Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it kindles the great. (Roger de Rabutin, comte de Bussy)

A week in Zion on retreat reminded me that distance can potentiate deep longing.

Amidst the hiking, meditation, and mango-sorbet-sunsets, I missed my lover and partner Madison dearly.

Every day brought to mind different qualities that I so cherish about her — from the way she fights for equity and justice, to the sparkle of love and fire in her eyes, to ready jokes about my unfashionable hiking apparel.

Because distance gives us the gift of perspective and longing, I decided that instead of holding this gift inside, I would write her a love letter.

When was the last time you wrote a love letter to your partner?

Not just an ‘I love you’ text message.

Not just a little note.

An honest-to-god love letter. Filled with yearning, lust, gratitude, and sparks of inspiration for the next time you are together.

Why write a love letter?

Because if you spend as much time with your partner as I do with Madison, you’ve likely forgotten some of their best qualities. The more we are in the same space, the same home, the same business; the more time we spend focusing on complaints — those dangerous little wishes for our partner to grow and change.

A love letter is the chance to step back, find gratitude, share your unique view of your lover and partner, and to nourish the relationship.

So ... here's how to write your love letter, with a few examples:

Pull out your journal or a fresh piece of paper. This is a handwritten letter, not typed.

Write a grand salutation, like: “My beloved Madison,”

Then use some of these prompts to get the juices flowing:

What no one else sees about you is _________ .…the way your hair shines in the morning light, radiantly alive, joyfully welcoming the day.

When I look into your eyes, _________ .…I see a soul so bright, so vibrant, full of play and power and passion.…I recognize a woman who sees deeply and feels deeper.

Last time we were apart, _________ .…I couldn’t sleep, with hours spent dreaming of the next time our hearts and bodies meet.

I am so grateful for your _________ .…compassion and dedication, given so freely.

When you've created something you're proud of (and are ready to lean into the vulnerability of your love reading it), write a final version on paper, and hand deliver the letter.

And what about those of you not in relationship right now?

Do what I did before I met Madison: write a love letter to your future partner (or to yourself), using the same prompts.

Give it a try. Write your love letter. You’ll be surprised when you begin to shed tears on the paper next to your words.

Until next time,

Jed

PS: Here are a few scenes from Zion ... such beauty.